9th October 2025 - Ozzy and Me

Now and again during my years in broadcasting, something drops in my inbox or my voicemail that completely blows my mind. Whether it’s the email I got in 2015 from the boss at Planet Rock asking if I’d be interested in doing presenting shifts…or getting a positive reply from KISS guitarist Bruce Kulick 3 years back to my interview request for a show…or the confirmation emails you get from FIFA or UEFA saying your talkSPORT accreditation for a World Cup or a Euros has been approved. 

But, back in mid May, I got some correspondence from a lovely lady just striking out with her own voiceover agency, having left the one I work for on occasion for adverts and stuff (like the England/Chase Bank break bumpers for ITV & STV that you can hear during international games).

The email read:

Ian, one of my clients is looking for the below:

“I'm looking for a male narrator, 40-60, native Birmingham accent, to narrate Last Rites, Ozzy Osbourne's memoir. Audiobook experience essential.  

Please note that due to the life Ozzy has lived, there are likely to be several instances of unsavoury reading, and lots of swearing.”

You don’t fucking say.

I immediately had to admit to her that I had no previous audiobook experience, but so excited was I at the mere prospect of reading Ozzy’s memoirs out loud and subsequently being there for all eternity, I asked her for some paragraphs from it that I could read for them as a demo.

Next thing you know, the client was happy (presumably with the say so of the Osbourne family?), all was agreed and I’d be recording the audiobook at some point in August after the “Back To The Beginning” gig Ozzy was appearing at had taken place. The book would be right up to date in order to reflect on that final show of his with his Sabbath pals and his solo band amongst many other rock luminaries.

But then came Ozzy’s tragic passing, some 10 days after the Villa Park extravaganza and, quite understandably, everything was put on hold by the Osbournes and the clients, so I kind of forgot about it, really. Plus I’d just lost my own Mum around the same time that Ozzy died, and my eldest brother was very poorly too, so I was a tad preoccupied for a while. 

But soon after, lines of communication reopened from the clients-Ozzy had indeed managed to complete the final chapter of his book just prior to his passing and the family were now ready to publish “Last Rites” both in print and in audio form.

And they still wanted me to read it out loud.

And so, come mid-September, off I toddled to a recording studio in North London to spend a maximum of five days recording Ozzy’s words. During the email exchange just prior to recording, the clients asked that I read it all in a Brummie accent and not an Ozzy impression as such. 

My ‘Ozzy’ isn’t bad - as folk who listen to me on the wireless may perhaps know - but I think I understood why an interpretation of his voice and cadence would be desired rather than a facsimile that could sound more like a parody than something genuine. So a Brummie voice it would be.

I was working with a producer, Matt, on the other side of the studio glass as well as a representative of the publishers who would be listening in via a Zoom link. Both Matt and the publishing lady would listen as I read to make sure it flowed and that I didn’t accidentally skip words or put words in that weren’t there ! Because for some reason, that does happen sometimes - you say a word like ‘just’ in a line because the word appears in the line below it and it just catches your eye. 

Thankfully, such instances were few and far between - most times we stopped reading during the sessions were just to collectively laugh out loud at what Ozzy had said about all manner of things as the chapters progressed! It was indeed packed with swearing and graphic detail as the clients had initially warned, but when you know Ozzy’s history like I do, such things are no great surprise to read, even when it’s on almost every page.

The sessions went so smoothly that I completed the read inside 3 days, well ahead of schedule. And now it’s out there, getting warmly received by the listening public that want to hear Ozzy’s final thoughts on so many aspects of his final years and other significant events in his life. Easy for me to say, but it is a thoroughly entertaining account, funny and also painfully sad in equal measure knowing that he’s now no longer around.

Whether this leads to more audiobook work for me I’m not sure - but at least I have a good one on the old CV already !! Rock and roll Ozzy!!