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Steve Bruce & BCFC ‘Seven’

As a lifelong Birmingham City fan, I have had course to rip the what-nots out of my beloved club on occasion – this being just one example – it was early 2006 and Blues were at home to Liverpool in an FA Cup 6th Round replay. A huge night for Bluenoses and I was there reporting on the game for talkSPORT.

By 90 minutes I was sinking lower and lower in the press box as goal after horrible goal went in at our end, prompting me to tell talkSPORT’s listeners that it had been a clash of ‘not men against boys, more men against amoebas…’

Des’s Diary – DIY shop

Des Lynam saw the funny side of this (thankfully) and it was easily the longest running sketch I performed during my BRMB/Heart career. A simple pretext really – dishy Des, the housewife’s choice reads out a dedication to a local store, office or shop in a trade where it emerges he once worked. Cue a minute or so of double entendres as he reinforces the stereotype of the lothario we all hope he is.

Ramsay at Kids Party

I quickly became a fan of chef Gordon Ramsay’s sweary, uncompromising approach to his ‘Kitchen Nightmares’ show on C4 and Sean & I came up with several scenarios where his attitude to someone’s cooking might be a little misplaced – such as this occasion where he turns up at a children’s birthday party, in a foul temper as usual…

Heather McCartney

To say that lampooning the now ex-wife of Sir Paul McCartney was easy is rather like saying that Sir Alex Ferguson chews gum – it’s a bit obvious really. Here, we’d discovered that the former Miss Mills had been photographed some years ago in various compromising positions for a German porno mag.

I went straight into my home recording studio and gave ‘Eleanor Rigby’ a kick up the Noughties…

Sunday 18th April

So here’s how a mad weekend can sometimes fall for yours truly. Thursday afternoon, I pack my little case and set off from home to talkSPORT towers to cover Thursday evening’s show with Matt Holland (great company and very knowledgable on all sports) before heading further south and west to stay at the house of Dressed To Kill’s bass player, Gary, as we have a long trek up to Glasgow the next morning for our show at The Ferry on Anderston Quay.

Sunday 11th April

Warmest sunniest day of the year so far and I’m unable to bask in any of it with a show to do of course. I get asked – or accused - so often as to whether I present all my talkSPORT shows from some underground bunker in my house and ‘pretend’ to be in London. Well I can safely say that Football First on Sunday always requires an early train trip to either Euston or Marylebone (engineering work usually dictates which one) and a tube to Waterloo so I can get a good 3 hours of prep in before we go on air at 3pm.

Saturday 10th April

Had a lovely Easter break with the family down in Cornwall and promised myself not to watch any football whilst away treating the children to a Haven Holiday, so as to give them the attention they deserve. Did pretty well and missed the lot – Robben putting out Man Utd and Messi messing up Arsenal’s Champions League, as well as Torres inspiring Liverpool to beat Benfica and Fulham pulling another rabbit from a hat to make the Europa League semis with them.

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