Another Ian Danter ‘benchmark’ item here, which all started when my writing team at BRMB and I were sat around discussing ideas when I read in a newspaper that the classic children’s Mr Men stories were 30 years old (this would be the year 2000 if I remember correctly). Sean was aware that I did a good impression of Arthur Lowe, who famously narrated these stories for the 1970’s TV show, and so we started coming up with our own tales – Mr Dole-ite, Mr Taxi Driver, Mr Footballer etc etc – Sean hated cats and therefore found this one easy to write.
As a lifelong Birmingham City fan, I have had course to rip the what-nots out of my beloved club on occasion – this being just one example – it was early 2006 and Blues were at home to Liverpool in an FA Cup 6th Round replay. A huge night for Bluenoses and I was there reporting on the game for talkSPORT.
By 90 minutes I was sinking lower and lower in the press box as goal after horrible goal went in at our end, prompting me to tell talkSPORT’s listeners that it had been a clash of ‘not men against boys, more men against amoebas…’
Des Lynam saw the funny side of this (thankfully) and it was easily the longest running sketch I performed during my BRMB/Heart career. A simple pretext really – dishy Des, the housewife’s choice reads out a dedication to a local store, office or shop in a trade where it emerges he once worked. Cue a minute or so of double entendres as he reinforces the stereotype of the lothario we all hope he is.
I quickly became a fan of chef Gordon Ramsay’s sweary, uncompromising approach to his ‘Kitchen Nightmares’ show on C4 and Sean & I came up with several scenarios where his attitude to someone’s cooking might be a little misplaced – such as this occasion where he turns up at a children’s birthday party, in a foul temper as usual…
To say that lampooning the now ex-wife of Sir Paul McCartney was easy is rather like saying that Sir Alex Ferguson chews gum – it’s a bit obvious really. Here, we’d discovered that the former Miss Mills had been photographed some years ago in various compromising positions for a German porno mag.
I went straight into my home recording studio and gave ‘Eleanor Rigby’ a kick up the Noughties…